Michael-X
2009-05-29 01:07:16 UTC
Dear God,
I've decided to write a letter to You because I have some questions. I
know that You are used to getting questions everyday in every form and
complexity. In fact, I have heard that You are quite busy answering several
and ignoring others, but I really hope that You can find time to answer mine
for me. I don't mean any disrespect by this, but I've been searching for
answers to some of these for years and though I have gone to several people
who claim to know You intimately, I've never gotten a straight answer from
them.
Remember when the pastor's college aged son asked me if I would like to
get to know Your Son way back when I was just a kid? Why is it that all
these people who call themselves Your adopted sons and daughters disagree so
vehemently on whether my asking Him to come into my heart and being baptized
in water later on in life was enough? Why do I feel cheated when I hear
stories of others who claim to have had an experience that radically changed
their life? Was the offer legitimate at the time? Was there some fine
print I was not shown? If so, why do You continue to let these people
operate using the name of Your Son and claim to belong to Your family? Are
they not called to be honest?
Remember when afterwards, as I was growing up, I was told that You would
start to change me from being a wicked sinner to conform to the image of
Your Son? What happened? Did I accidentally bump a button or switch
somewhere? Why was I allowed to fall so far away even while still allowed
to be a member of Your church? Why is it that none of the others ever
called me out on my secret sins? Why did they stop talking to me and let me
get involved in even more ugly things once I left high school? Why did not
one of those sons and daughters of Yours come looking for me, write me a
letter, or even ask You about me anymore? I'm sure some of them saw me
struggling in sin, but not one of them offered to help me out of it. why is
that? Is 39 years not enough time?
Remember how I constantly have had issues with that one sin in my life
that only You and I know about? What is the deal with that one? Why has it
grown like a fatal cancer within me? I was told that Your Son is the Great
Physician. so why hasn't He healed me of that one? Doesn't He see how far
it has spread or how large it has grown? Why do I keep feeding it even when
I know that one day it may kill me? You do realize that it makes me hate
myself, don't You?
Remember when I was up to my neck in sin and depression, and how I cried
out to You in my despair to save me from taking my very life? Why did You
choose that moment to take away so much from me, yet leave me wallowing in
the same sin that I struggled with the whole time? You seemed to have
spared this shadow life of mine for the time being, yet I still feel as if I
am swimming in the same muck and filth as before. Why did You leave me
there?
Remember the promise You gave about the return of Your Son? Why do Your
sons and daughters disagree on so many of the details? Why do the vast
majority think that You are unable to keep them safe in the Great
Tribulation and must pluck them out before it happens? Didn't You spare
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the midst of the flames? Didn't You
spare Noah and his family in the midst of the flood? Didn't You spare
Israel time and time again when troubles and affliction came to them without
removing them from among them? Does the words remnant mean nothing to Your
children anymore? Did You grow weaker with age? Can't they see that a few
men and women have made millions off of them by telling them this? Didn't
You tell us to beware such people in Your Bible?
Remember when I tried going back to church again after so many years of
doing my own thing? Why did it seem so dead? Why do Your children seem so
unfamiliar with each other? Is it true that You changed Your church from
being a family to being an institution with programs, budgets, overhead,
authorities, and divisions? Am I to erase most of my New Testament and
start over now? Why did You tell the disciples that none of them were to
lord it over the others and now let multitudes of Your sons and daughters do
just that? Why do they call the divisions denominations when You call them
abominations?
Remember how I sought counsel and help dealing with that specific sin as
well as those feelings regarding the muck and mire? Why did the pastor at
that church simply ask me if I was demon possessed? Why did the only
counsel I receive turn out to be to read my Bible more? When did Bible
knowledge alone become edification, exhortation, and bearing each others'
burdens? Did it happen when I was out on my own? Is there some way I can
get a copy of Your new rules on this?
Remember how I felt uncomfortable in that church and was still struggling
with that hidden sin, yet Your sons and daughters asked me to be an usher
and put me in front of everyone, including strangers to Your family? Was
that the best choice given my circumstance? Was it intended to push me out
the door again? Are Your sons and daughters happy it worked? Is that why
once again, nobody has really tried hard to get me back in touch with Your
family? Yes, I remember a couple weak attempts. but were those sincere or
just a few kids showing off?
Remember how I learned that people do not choose to have a relationship
with You, but that You choose to have a relationship with them? Why did You
choose me? Are You doing this to torture me? Do You really know how much
it hurts to live this life now knowing that I am not capable of living to
Your standards yet being constantly told by Your children that I am called
to? Do You truly want to change me to be like Jesus or have I simply been
fooled? Why do You continue to bother my heart with Your Spirit yet leave
that deadly cancer of sin in me? Why won't You heal me at last?
Remember how Your Firstborn told everyone that You would not give us
scorpions or stones when we asked for fish or bread? Have I been asking
wrong? Is there a questionnaire that I have to fill out and do not know
about? Have my prayers jammed up inside the suction tube or something? Am
I on a heavenly spam or ignore list? Should I even bother anymore or simply
learn how to eat stone and scorpion soup?
Remember how I asked to become one of Your adopted sons and daughters?
Did the adoption agency deny the claim and not tell me? Was I tricked into
believing that I was adopted only to shut me up? Did You go through with it
and then decide that You didn't love me after all, only to return me? Am I
really Yours now? If so, why do I feel like I barely know You? Why do Your
other kids ignore me?
Remember the lyrics to that one song from the musical Jesus Christ
Superstar that say, "Could we start again, Please?" God, is that possible?
Thank You for listening, God. I hope this letter gets through to You. If
You don't have enough time to answer all the questions I have written, could
You at least please answer that last one? I would really appreciate it.
Michael-X
I've decided to write a letter to You because I have some questions. I
know that You are used to getting questions everyday in every form and
complexity. In fact, I have heard that You are quite busy answering several
and ignoring others, but I really hope that You can find time to answer mine
for me. I don't mean any disrespect by this, but I've been searching for
answers to some of these for years and though I have gone to several people
who claim to know You intimately, I've never gotten a straight answer from
them.
Remember when the pastor's college aged son asked me if I would like to
get to know Your Son way back when I was just a kid? Why is it that all
these people who call themselves Your adopted sons and daughters disagree so
vehemently on whether my asking Him to come into my heart and being baptized
in water later on in life was enough? Why do I feel cheated when I hear
stories of others who claim to have had an experience that radically changed
their life? Was the offer legitimate at the time? Was there some fine
print I was not shown? If so, why do You continue to let these people
operate using the name of Your Son and claim to belong to Your family? Are
they not called to be honest?
Remember when afterwards, as I was growing up, I was told that You would
start to change me from being a wicked sinner to conform to the image of
Your Son? What happened? Did I accidentally bump a button or switch
somewhere? Why was I allowed to fall so far away even while still allowed
to be a member of Your church? Why is it that none of the others ever
called me out on my secret sins? Why did they stop talking to me and let me
get involved in even more ugly things once I left high school? Why did not
one of those sons and daughters of Yours come looking for me, write me a
letter, or even ask You about me anymore? I'm sure some of them saw me
struggling in sin, but not one of them offered to help me out of it. why is
that? Is 39 years not enough time?
Remember how I constantly have had issues with that one sin in my life
that only You and I know about? What is the deal with that one? Why has it
grown like a fatal cancer within me? I was told that Your Son is the Great
Physician. so why hasn't He healed me of that one? Doesn't He see how far
it has spread or how large it has grown? Why do I keep feeding it even when
I know that one day it may kill me? You do realize that it makes me hate
myself, don't You?
Remember when I was up to my neck in sin and depression, and how I cried
out to You in my despair to save me from taking my very life? Why did You
choose that moment to take away so much from me, yet leave me wallowing in
the same sin that I struggled with the whole time? You seemed to have
spared this shadow life of mine for the time being, yet I still feel as if I
am swimming in the same muck and filth as before. Why did You leave me
there?
Remember the promise You gave about the return of Your Son? Why do Your
sons and daughters disagree on so many of the details? Why do the vast
majority think that You are unable to keep them safe in the Great
Tribulation and must pluck them out before it happens? Didn't You spare
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the midst of the flames? Didn't You
spare Noah and his family in the midst of the flood? Didn't You spare
Israel time and time again when troubles and affliction came to them without
removing them from among them? Does the words remnant mean nothing to Your
children anymore? Did You grow weaker with age? Can't they see that a few
men and women have made millions off of them by telling them this? Didn't
You tell us to beware such people in Your Bible?
Remember when I tried going back to church again after so many years of
doing my own thing? Why did it seem so dead? Why do Your children seem so
unfamiliar with each other? Is it true that You changed Your church from
being a family to being an institution with programs, budgets, overhead,
authorities, and divisions? Am I to erase most of my New Testament and
start over now? Why did You tell the disciples that none of them were to
lord it over the others and now let multitudes of Your sons and daughters do
just that? Why do they call the divisions denominations when You call them
abominations?
Remember how I sought counsel and help dealing with that specific sin as
well as those feelings regarding the muck and mire? Why did the pastor at
that church simply ask me if I was demon possessed? Why did the only
counsel I receive turn out to be to read my Bible more? When did Bible
knowledge alone become edification, exhortation, and bearing each others'
burdens? Did it happen when I was out on my own? Is there some way I can
get a copy of Your new rules on this?
Remember how I felt uncomfortable in that church and was still struggling
with that hidden sin, yet Your sons and daughters asked me to be an usher
and put me in front of everyone, including strangers to Your family? Was
that the best choice given my circumstance? Was it intended to push me out
the door again? Are Your sons and daughters happy it worked? Is that why
once again, nobody has really tried hard to get me back in touch with Your
family? Yes, I remember a couple weak attempts. but were those sincere or
just a few kids showing off?
Remember how I learned that people do not choose to have a relationship
with You, but that You choose to have a relationship with them? Why did You
choose me? Are You doing this to torture me? Do You really know how much
it hurts to live this life now knowing that I am not capable of living to
Your standards yet being constantly told by Your children that I am called
to? Do You truly want to change me to be like Jesus or have I simply been
fooled? Why do You continue to bother my heart with Your Spirit yet leave
that deadly cancer of sin in me? Why won't You heal me at last?
Remember how Your Firstborn told everyone that You would not give us
scorpions or stones when we asked for fish or bread? Have I been asking
wrong? Is there a questionnaire that I have to fill out and do not know
about? Have my prayers jammed up inside the suction tube or something? Am
I on a heavenly spam or ignore list? Should I even bother anymore or simply
learn how to eat stone and scorpion soup?
Remember how I asked to become one of Your adopted sons and daughters?
Did the adoption agency deny the claim and not tell me? Was I tricked into
believing that I was adopted only to shut me up? Did You go through with it
and then decide that You didn't love me after all, only to return me? Am I
really Yours now? If so, why do I feel like I barely know You? Why do Your
other kids ignore me?
Remember the lyrics to that one song from the musical Jesus Christ
Superstar that say, "Could we start again, Please?" God, is that possible?
Thank You for listening, God. I hope this letter gets through to You. If
You don't have enough time to answer all the questions I have written, could
You at least please answer that last one? I would really appreciate it.
Michael-X